This is for the blokes out there. I need to know, why you lot are so bloody useless at medical stuff?

I mean, getting check ups and all that. For example, when you see the doc because you’ve …oh I don’t know, had a car accident perhaps, and he gives you a pathology thingy for a blood test to check your cholesterol, your blood sugar (’cos your dad has diabetes), and some other indecipherable tests - not because he suspects anything but because he thinks a check up is a good idea, you damn well have it done?

Surely, when you take your wife to the pathology lab have her blood tests because she’s not a wimp, and she’s sneakily thoughtfully put your test request in her bag because she knows you are totally lame when it comes to medical things, you be a big boy and have your test?

Why do you mutter about the wife being late to work and having to “get going”?. Why do you look at her blankly when she says “Your turn!”, and pretend you have no freakin’ idea what she means? Why not just have the test - it’s covered by this thing called MEDICARE - cost (if that’s what bothers you) isn’t a factor. And when you get outside, and the wife says something sweet and considerate like “Are you scared to have it ya big baby?”, why do you deny that? If you’re not scared, and it doesn’t cost anything, and you’re at the lab, WHY NOT HAVE THE TEST???!!

My god, no wonder men don’t have babies. Maybe that’s because they are babies.

Why are men so crap at taking care of this sort of thing? I just don’t understand when a person is intelligent enough to understand prevention is better than the cure, they don’t want to check everything is ok?

Someone, tell me why this is so? If there’s a reason, it better be good, because really? When you have a family who love you, you owe it to them to take care of yourself and not be so fucking pathetic.

Mother’s Day

I hope all the mothers out there had a great day yesterday. I was unlucky privileged enough to have pancakes for breakfast, cooked from scratch by my sons.

Only thing was, it was some kind of savoury pancake batter, which they served up with butter and maple syrup. A very odd taste sensation.

Me: (Manfully eating the rubbery, oddly flavoured pancakes, and trying to look as if they are delicious.)

Son 1: Want some more Mum? Did you like them?

Me: (Watery smile) Oh no thanks. I’m not a big breakfast eater and two was plenty, they were lovely, why don’t you guys have some? (Translation: Oh God not more NOOOOO!!!!! Please NOOOO!!!)

Lucky it’s the thought that count right? Right.

We often don’t do the pressie thing on Mothers Day or Fathers Day - it’s too bloody commercial as it is. But I have to admit, a little something would have been nice, but t’was not forthcoming. Mainly due to the fact The MOTH probably didn’t think to take the kids to the shops. Oh well…

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Geekery

Despite all the myriads of themes out there, I still can’t find one I totally like. One that’s awesomely bitchin’. So to speak. One that has everything I want.

So I’m doing one myself. Or tweaking one to suit myself.

I have this little piece of software called xampp installed and running on my computer at home. It’s like a wee webserver, on your own computer so you can fiddle and tweak to your haerts content without having to upload new files all the time. Install wordpress on it, chuck in a theme, and when you get your theme how you like it, just do one upload of your new theme. Wordpress does indeed rock. As do the folks at xampp (Apache Friends)

Me, Photoshop and php, a matche made in heaven.

Prediction: And then? I will have a blog dripping in awesomeness, and you shall all bow before my awesomeness and want one like it and want to be me. Or not…

Awesome or what?

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Blogging

So much for posting every day. I’m so lame.

So anyway folks, how was your Mothers Day? What did you do for YOUR mum? (I sent mine flowers as she’s interstate). What did you have to eat? Any pressies?

Do tell!

Do you ever have those weeks where there’s a lot of things annoying you? Pissing you off? Making you get about silently grind your teeth, muttering about biatches, groaning about lazy bastards - generally feeling snarly? Of course you’re not a whinger; I am not a whinger either. Whingers are always other people. Right? Right.

Anyway, in the interests of letting you all get things off your chests, and reducing your stress levels I have decided to perform a public service, and invite you to spill your guts all over my blog. Don’t worry, I’ll clean it up later. And no doubt whinge about it.

So c’mon peoples, let it out.

Tell the world. Share the pain. Abuse innocent people. Yell at children. Poke fun at old people. Whatever.

Just one condition, start your comment with the following words: I’m not a whinger, but <insert whine complaint here>

I’ll start with the classic, I’m not a whinger but…. I hate it when you’re driving along a road, there’s no one behind you, and then you see ‘em. The idiot wanting to turn right into the road you are on. And of COURSE they pull out in front of you and cut you off, when there was NO ONE behind you! WTF is WITH that? Bastards! Wait your turn FFS! Er… OK then.

Over to you guys - I need a drink…

(inspired by Will & Lehmo)

Someone out there HAS to know how to get teenage boys to not only DO their homework, but put a little effort into it.

The teenagers: Two bright kids in Years 10 and 9 who insist on leaving everything to the last minute, and then only putting in the minimum amount of effort to “get by”.

The mother: Wants them to make the most of themselves. Is happy for them to also have lives i.e. play sport, have a casual job, see mates etc.  because it’s all about balance - but also wants them to do their freaking homework!!! On time!!! WIthout me having to nag the hell out of them!!!

*thought: Can I use any more exclamation marks in this post?*

Possible solutions to teen problem:

• Kill them and have a peaceful life - tempting, but probably a little extreme.
• Restrict their internet access - Ha! Already done that - gotta love having a network engineer in the house.
• Let them fail as punishment for being lazy little shits, and cop the consequences - scary as it will affect their end of year reports.
• Turn myself insaner by reminding them of every damn thing they need to do and standing over them until they do it - not that good if we also need meals to eat, clean clothes to wear, and I really don’t want to miss Boston Legal or at least 2 CSI’s and a Law and Order or two.

So please. Someone out there cursed blessed with teenagers - what did you do to get your kids doing their homework? Or is this just a stage? Or are my kids doomed to be penniless beggars when they are older? Or am I just asking too many questions?

I am not functioning on a very high level. I want to cry. I want to stay in bed and have the world go away. I don’t want my life. I feel dead. I am tired. I ache and I can’t concentrate. I  became teary before because the phone rang - I don’t want to talk to anyone.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my family immensely - I would die for any of them in a heartbeat. I love my house. My job is OK. There are many lives worse than mine.

Which is why I feel so stupid. I have to write it here, because I don’t know how to discuss it with anyone. Am I just being silly? Do I need to do some serious sock pulling up and damn well stop moping and get on with things? I hate being like this, but it happens from time to time.

My mother had a nervous breakdown at my age. Her brother (my uncle) had one too. It makes me somewhat nervous.

So what to do…

What to do indeed.