Monday night, in Coles, looking for chocolate buying masses of fresh vegetables. Mobile rings.

“Hello?” (juggling apples, bananas, handbag and basket).

“Mum, the MOTH has had a car accident” says 15 year old son.

“Whaaaaat?” Drop basket to floor, tipping over and leaving chocolate fresh vegetables scattered. Trip over mess.

*Shit, are they going to make me bring a bucket to Aisle 1 - I really don’t have time for that?*

“He’s OK though - he says you need to call a tow”

“Right - no worries - talk to you soon”

*am impressed by “I really AM calm“tone - as not calm at all really*

Sure. A tow. Huh? I’ve never called a tow in my life. How does one do that exactly? Leave the chocolates vegetables where they are and run.

*run home - after purchasing cigarettes before leaving. Priorities people, priorities.*

Ahh, insurance. Find papers amongst crap that should have been filed months ago.

*rustle through study hurling papers all over any available space*

After trolling through 47 different menu options on phone before finding a human, insurance company organise tow.

*deep breath*

Find MOTH in the dark by the side of the road. Am short sighted and have shocking night vision, could pick up anyone and not realise until home. Interesting thought…

*find glasses and damn well wear them for once to find correct husband and avoid embarrassing scene*

Husband located. Identified as much calmer than me. Car is on tow truck looking sadder than me.
Rush to MOTH to check a) glasses are correct and that is indeed the MOTH, then b) relax ‘cos he’s definitely alright.

MOTH moves closer, get ready for big hugs, the ‘thank you for rescuing me’s, the gratitude, appreciation of heroic wife….MOTH turns and whispers “You really need to get new glasses - they’re SO, so, sort of …eighties….and dorky”

Wtf?????? Like really…WTF???