You all have to help me. Seriously.

I realised this morning that the sometimes morose, rarely cheerful figure lurking in our house has a birthday today. Today! I knew it was coming, honest, but now it’s here and I couldn’t be more unprepared. No cake, no idea of a present. Nothing, nada, zilch.

My eldest son is 16. He can get his learners permit, which leads to him being allowed behind the wheel of a real car, ON the road. Bloody hell. My kid driving on the roads?

Mwahhaaa, look out Australia!

Seriously, this can’t be right. He’s as vague and as ‘off the planet’ as they come. He’s so frustrating, so lazy, and so stubborn that sometimes I want to drive pencils through my eyes just for the feel good factor.

This impossible person, does not know what he wants for his birthday.

Me: “New ipod?”

Him: “Nah, there’s nothing wrong with the one I have”

Me: “Sydney FC soccer jersey?”

Him: Nah, I already have an Arsenal one, I don’t want another one”

*crickets chirping*

Him: “You could just give me money”

Me: “Oh God, has it come to this?”

Help me - what does one buy a 16 year old boy? Is money awful, or am I just being an idiot?

Do NOT leave me without suggesting something!

*Note: (Anyone suggesting a 16 year old girl, will be taken out the back and shot, just so you know)