Frippery » Blog Archive » My Dog Is Such A Bitch

I was thinking last night about what a bitch my dog is. We took pity on her for having to stay on the soft, warm mat by the sliding door, inside with the heater on, and let her have a wander through the house. Which was extremely exciting. For her. Me? I was watching House, and therefore not so interested in what was going on IN my house. Until the aftermath…

What did we get for our niceness besides a lot of Labrador smiling, tail wagging and excitement? Hair. Everywhere. Labrador snow. Hence why we keep her on the mat by the sliding door. Duh.

The whole dog and pet thing is a little odd. Some people do more for their dogs than their kids. Australians spend more than 4.5 billion on pet care a year. 4.5 BILLION for fucks sake!
We feed them, we love them, we play ball with them and we hug them.

Some people even provide their pets with acupuncture, physiotherapy, counselling and homeopathy. Wtf is with THAT?? We spend (some of us) inordinate amounts of money on them, in attempts to make their short lives more comfortable. And then, because they have the shorter lifespan, they leave us bereft and heartbroken.

But, it seems after all the heartbreak, we still need a companion whether it be canine or feline, and often march back out there and get ourselves another one and so on ad infinitum. Until we get old and have the shorter lifespan, in which case (some of us) leave all our money and worldly possessions to the one member of our family least likely to give a shit. Or in the case of Piper our lab, lots of shits, but not of the caring kind, more your steaming piles in the backyard kind.

Piper is pretty. She’s a Labrador, and seems to vacillate between being incredibly stupid, and then conversely, smarter than us. Still, she is a blonde I suppose and possibly the canine equivalent of Jessica Simpson. She loves us all to pieces and wants nothing more than to be patted and loved 24 hours a day. And fed. She quite possibly loves food more than us and would eat herself stupid given half a chance, making her a rather typical Labrador.

She leaves hair everywhere, has nibbled our external laundry door so that it needs sanding and repainting, she digs holes in one particular garden bed, and pretends she didn’t, she sometimes barks at nothing - or seems to, and has occasionally toxic breath.

But we love her anyway. Even though she is a crazy bitch, because that makes two of us.

BloglinesDiggdel.icio.usRedditStumbleUponTechnorati

About

Who am I? Among other things I am a mother to two rather large teenage sons, wife to an IT geek husband, step mother to another enormous teenage son, and feeder, ball thrower and companion to an over excited labrador. Jealous? Didn't think so...there's also some more stuff about me here

The Australian Index

Stalking You

14 Comments so far

If she wants to be patted 24 hours a day, she is more like Jessica Simpson than you think.

Evyl: Yeah well, they’re about as talented as one another, that’s for sure. Mind you, it’s very possible Piper is more intelligent.
S

I have a theory on the mohawk. If that’s ALL that he asks for and the ONLY way he expresses his individuality, we are pretty lucky.

He is a good student, incredibly kind, funny, sweet, a good friend and mostly helpful when asked. He doesn’t do drugs, doesnt steal and is a great friend to have.

Hair grows back but the rest of the stuff is priceless.

It’s only hair. And it’s very Connor. It works on him!

Hallie

Hallie: Well, you’re so right, they are definitely all the important things.
Suze

4.5 billion? Shit, if everyone stopped spending unnecessary money on their damn pets, then maybe our interest rates would go down!

I mean, I love my dog, but therapy? Seriously?

Veronica: I guess we all have different priorities though. If your dogs are the kids you never had, or whatever, it kinda changes your outlook. Damn interest rates. Don’t get me started!

My hounds are the most important thing in the world to me. I don’t give a rat’s back passage if they are more labour intensive than a kid. I don’t give a shit if they cost a fortune. They keep me sane and they’re so much nicer than human rugrats.

Anja: Shit, I hope I didn’t offend you with the post. It was kinda tongue in cheek or whatever, really. I love my dog to pieces - and you bet she’s nicer than the sometimes-surly-teens I have

we have a black male lab (with a bit of border collie in him) and I was laughing myself silly thinking that all this except the blonde bitch could apply to him too

Bettina: There’s nothing in this world like a dawg that loves ya!

And that is why I have a bunneh.

They don’t have therapists for bunneh do they?

Kelley: They may need one for a bunneh that lives with you - despite your awesomeness…

I need a pet. A crazy bitch of a pet, too.

Sassy: Crazy pets are great - if only for the entertainment factor

I love my dawgs, I do but 4.5 million… a year! Woah! That’s a lot of dog biscuits.

Tiff: You’re not wrong! Though I reckon my lab would eat that much if we let her!

I should leave a comment but I need to go and throw the ball for the dog……

Kim: Yeah good luck with that - mine doesn’t bring the damn thing back, unless she feels like it , or there’s food on offer.

Yeah, I have two and love them, but fuck me, you are so right about how people treat them as though they are babies.

They love to personify their pets and put human emotions on them, which are probably usually quite wide of the mark to what the pet needs.

Especially when it comes to discipline and food - people are actually quite cruel sometimes, while imagining they are being kind.

Tex: It’s the bit about putting human emotions onto animals that I find a wee bit odd, but then again, each to their own. I love my dog dearly, and would probably spend a fair amount on her if I needed to at the vets or whatever, but at the end of the day, she is a dog - however, she’s easier to deal with than a bloody teenager, that’s for sure!
S

Shit this made me laugh!

The more I read this blog the more I fucking love it!

A-Mum: That’s because you are obviously insane.
S

I have a black labrador puppy on my list of things to buy. I hear ya on the dog hair - we have a fluffy dog called Bobbie who sheds, and my one brown jacket I wear to work now looks like it’s morphing into a yeti. Maybe I should skip the labrador puppy and buy one of those Chinese hairless things…on second thought, yeuch, noo.

Lucy: Nooooo!! There’s something evil about those hairless things. Either that or they just look extremely worried. All the time. Then again, I’d be worried facing winter hairless or as a human, clotheless.
S

Well DUH!!! That’s a given!

A-Mum: Pfft! Well there goes my public service for today. You already knew you were a nutter? Who knew…?
S

[…] This is the bitch that we live with. Piper the Wonderdog. […]

RSS feed for comments on this post.

TrackBack URI

Leave a comment
Line and paragraph breaks automatic, e-mail address never displayed, HTML allowed:

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

About

You Said

Archives

Stats and Stuff

Spam Blocked

Stalking You