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There is a guy I work with. We, are not the best of friends. I don’t like him and I don’t think he likes me. Which is odd, because after all, I am an awesome human being and a wonder to behold. But still, he doesn’t recognise said awesomeness, and insists on behaving like some sexist, Neanderthal pig, hence this open letter to him.

To the office asshole (you know who you are).

Your age or nationality is not an excuse for rudeness, dismissiveness and a downright absence of manners or social skills. I might have to work with you - but I DON’T have to like you. That said, it would be appreciated if you could at least be civil like the rest of us, and stop thinking you are superior to myself and the other female employee in the office by virtue of having an appendage we lack.

And by the way, women can do things JUST as well as men can, and damnit, we can do MOST things a whole lot better! So take your sexist, crappy attitude and shove it. Here are some handy hints you’d be well advised to jot down:

1. Grunting when spoken to is not an acceptable form of office communication.

2. Snapping your fingers at people when you would like them to come over to your desk is also not acceptable.

3. Neither is grunting then jerking your head.

4. If you are going to be a sexist pig, then at least do it properly. Don’t choose to suddenly NOT be sexist when one of the girls needs her car jump started, because that just makes you a hypocritical bastard as well as a sexist pig.

5. People who are in lesser positions than you within the company hierarchy, are NOT lesser people, and should not be spoken to as such.

Put a few of those hints into practice you nasty little prick. And remember, respect is earned, not just given, and right now? You get just about the amount of respect you deserve. Not much.

***And just between you and me, internet - I’d like to resign from work now please and spend my days eating chocolate and watching Oprah - well, maybe not Oprah - but lots of movies - so please send all cheques and donations immediately. Thank you.

***Oh and how do you handle a horrible, horrible co-worker?

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Who am I? Among other things I am a mother to two rather large teenage sons, wife to an IT geek husband, step mother to another enormous teenage son, and feeder, ball thrower and companion to an over excited labrador. Jealous? Didn't think so...there's also some more stuff about me here

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12 Comments so far

Very good. Probably wont change his behaviour, but it may make you feel better.

Perhaps you can apply for a transfer on his behalf.

Colin: I wish I could transfer him a million miles into space - and that’d still be too close! But yes, it helps to vent
S

*whispers ‘have them taken out back and shot?’*

Bettina: Tempting, very tempting!
S

For a moment there I thought you must work with my ex-husband, and then I realised you work in an office and it couldn’t be him because he’s a carpenter who works on building sites. Still, the resemblance is uncanny. Good luck with him - I can totally relate!

Lucy: Ahh ex-husbands. What a joy they are…NOT! Mines not sexist, he just doesn’t like to support his kids.
S

Sounds like a real ankle to me!
Is there anyone you can complain to?? If you use the words “discrimination/sexist” they may do something about it?
If that doesn’t work, just pluck half a dozen pubes now and then and drop them in his coffee cup when none is looking

A-Mum: Speaking of pubes? He leaves some on the seat in the loo. All the time. So disgusting!
S

have you seen these insults
you might be able to say them to his face but thinking them helps or print the entire staff a list and say that number - it’s an old joke … #1 or # whatever and he won’t get the joke !

http://psychoprogs.com/comedy/things-youd-like-to-say-at-work-but-cant/

Trish: Hahaha! Good one! He definitely won’t get the joke with his distinct lack of any form of humour AT all.
S

the guy sounds like a total douchebag and you have every right to walk up and whack him in the junk (that’s even if he has any)
I’ve told my daughters time and time again, “Don’t take any shit from anybody.”
So far, it’s worked out quite well.
Awesome post.
Kick the asshole in the junk for me, okay?
~m

Michael: Thing is, if I kick him, I may get sacked. Small thing, I know, but it holds me back a tad, nonetheless.
S

You sing it sister!

There are plenty of sexist pigs with God like complexes in the hospital setting…the nurses answer to dealing with this? Tea room bitchiness, calling said doctors “Dr Death” behind their backs, rolling your eyes and cussing when you know that doctor is on for the day… General passive aggressive behavour, especally for that ‘obstetrician’ that calls a fifth year midwife ’student’.

What’s that?
Oh yeah, sorry…ahem…got a bit carried away.

Tiff: I don’t blame you for getting carried away. Dealing with it day after day really gets draining, and bloody frustrating!
S

Be an ever so loving co-worker and make him his favourite beverage. Then lace favourite beverage with a copious dose of coloxyl. The bastard has been giving you shit, now it’s time to give him some - so to speak

Anja: You have no idea how appealing that is……..*rushes off to buy coloxyl*
S

I think I might sweetly suggest that if it’s a certain body pat that makes him feel so superior, I know a way to level the playing field. Then I’d look significantly at a sharp object, maybe twirl a scissors by the handles.

Swistle: Can anyone say “Lorena Bobbit”? Except of course, I’m not married to him - thank god!
S

So, that’s where my ex-boss went! Nice to see he’s still at it…

Tracey: Yep, once a pig, always a pig.
S

[…] Chances are that you will then land awkwardly on the floor with one of your previously cast off high heels embedded in your nether regions, with your skirt up to your hips and an extreme look of embarrassment on your face. Not to mention the extremely up close and personal relationship you didn’t want, but now have, with the accountant. Who is also a pig. […]

I find that extremely sweet niceness combined with occasional flashes of extreme, vicious, ego-destroying nastiness to work best. They tend to give up and be nice and respectful out of fear of being driven mad.

Ahhh, power…

PS. Sorry about the late comments, I’ve only been half-here for a few weeks

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