Just when you think things are getting back to whatever passes for normal, your teenage son has a complete and total meltdown, and you realise he is just like you and wandering off towards this place.
It’s a blow. A crushing, gut wrenching blow. I feel devastated. I spent yesterday at work crying if anyone even mentioned him or even had the nerve to ask how he was.
I knew he was finding some things in life hard. I knew he was pissed off and unhappy with the way some of his mates act. I knew his grades were starting to slip.
But I didn’t know he couldn’t cope with life in general very well. That he is on the top of a slippery slope that leads downwards to nothing good. That he cannot see anything good or worthwhile in his life.
He turned a tear stained face to me and said he’s stupid. He said he’s dumb and useless and will never amount to anything, never get a good job. He can’t go to TAFE, or undertake any alternative form of study due to his stupidity. But he doesn’t understand how he can possibly stay at school because he can’t concentrate in class. Even if he takes copious notes, he can’t remember what he wrote.
He gets so, so sad and frustrated so easily. And I? I am trying to find the right way to help him before his life is impacted too much.
The upside? He trusts me. Tells me mostly everything (I’m not naive enough to think he tells me EVERYTHING!) . How he’s feeling, what pisses him off, whats going on.
You have to talk to your children. Make sure they talk to you. If they don’t want to talk to their parents, encourage them to speak to somebody else. A teacher, a sports coach, a family friend, it doesn’t matter who, as long as they care for the child and have their best interests at heart.
So hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s off to the school counsellor we go. And then the GP and then….I don’t know.
Apologies for the lameness of this blog lately, but it’s about my life and my family, and we’re going through a wee bit of a crappy time, which consequently gets reflected here (and in my inability to spend time reading blogs, and being cheerful). Hopefully, we shall resume normal transmission shortly.
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Hugs.
I hoipe you find all the strength and peace you need to help your beautiful boy through all of this.
I have a child, who is just like me and, although she is only 12, I worry that she will find her way to depression also.
She carries the world on her shoulders.
By tiff on 06.20.08 9:43 am | Permalink
hugs to you and yours.
Don’t worry about us. You do what you need to do and we’ll just keep checking in on you.
Thank god he talks to you.
more hugs.
By Bettina on 06.20.08 12:00 pm | Permalink
Oh man. Hopefully that trust can get you guys through it. *Hugs.*
By Missy on 06.20.08 12:53 pm | Permalink
So Sorry that your son feels like this, but so good that he will talk to you, and bare some of his soul to you, no matter how broken it feels at the moment.
My kids talk to my Mum and tell her all sorts of things that they don’t tell me. They give me the bare bones usually, but when they talk to her they fill in the gaps. I love that they can do that and so does Mum.
How does your son feel about the school counsellor??? My almost 9 year old was telling her not quite the truth and when I asked her about it she told me that she was worried that the counsellor would tell other staff at school. Despite the counsellor both having a sign in her office and actually telling her that. And there is no convincing her otherwise. So now we are seeing someone out of school
I hope that you all find the strength and help that you need to get through this. I’m not going anywhere, I’ll just look for updates from you in my reader
By Gemisht on 06.20.08 1:48 pm | Permalink
The teenage years are the hardest of all and it is great your son trusts you to share a lot of what he is feeling.
Powerful post and honest advice.
Wishing ‘you’ strength and wisdom to help him through this darkness and wishing renewed hope for your son.
By Trish on 06.20.08 5:34 pm | Permalink
Don’t apologise, there’s no need. This is your blog, so you post anything you like!
Please take good care of your boy, and yourself. He is lucky to have a mum who understands him.
I’m not sure if you are in Australia, but your GP can refer you (him) to a psychologist for 12 sessions (I think) and it’s bulk-billed. Good luck.
By Tracey on 06.20.08 7:03 pm | Permalink
The foster child I work with (17) suffers from depression, as do I, and I live in utter terror and confusion about what to do to help him. I don’t want him to end up like me with all of the messed up things I’ve done in my life but I also know that he’s got to cope on his own, too. He sees a psychiatrist but I know he’s not sharing with him because he’s told me so.
By Denise on 06.21.08 7:20 am | Permalink
Take care. I have faith that you and your son will find a way to work it out. It isn’t easy to be young and it seems so much tougher today than when I was a kid.
By Evyl on 06.21.08 11:40 pm | Permalink
Wishing you the best and knowing that all this will pass - have faith.
By Mo on 06.22.08 12:55 am | Permalink
I truly hope that he can find that core of strength within himself to build towards a great life.
And I hope that you have the strength to be his support while he is searching.
Good luck.
By jeanie on 06.22.08 8:35 pm | Permalink
I feel your pain. My son sometimes says he hates himself and wants to kill himself. He’s only 6 (very nearly 7) and it breaks my heart. Stick with him and get any help that he may need.
Jen: My step son used to do and say stuff like that at about the same age. He doesn’t any more though. So hang in there
S
By jen on 06.24.08 11:24 am | Permalink
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